Start free writing…..

Okay, so I’ve been really stressed lately. I mean life is hard. I don’t really understand and thing about the world really. Most of the time I struggle understanding what is real vs what isn’t. So here is the play. First thing I did was play this 

Once that started playing I set my alarm to go off in 10 minutes that way I don’t was all my time, but hey I do need to get focused. I need to relax and zin out. So, now I’m going to turn my light off. Okay it’s off. This next part I want to go ahead and pretend like I’m sorry by apologizing in advance.  I’m a very bad speller and I’m not  a real big language person. That being said, I’m going to close my eyes and just try to relax and free write whatever comes to my mind because I need to relax. So I’m going to spend whatever I have let of my 10 minutes with my eyes closed, relaxed, letting my brain take a rest and see what comes out. First I have to fix this read squiggly line….OK now go.


Color, white. I’m trying to see white. I want to fill my brain with boid of color. I think about color and I wonder if it is real. I mean I know I think I see it. I have this mental image of the world around me. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not crazy. I know there is color in our minds. But is is this color even real. I mean are the objects around me that I am seeing in color really that color? Do they have color at all? Am I even seeing that object? This makes me wonder. Can I really ever see anything? And why do I see color. Light is light right. Is it all the same? No. It comes to us in different energies Different wavelengths and fq. It’s like sound. Like the ambient sound of this video. This video that should relaxing me but is not. Why can i not be relaxed. Is it the sound of these keystrokes coming from my keyboard. Is it the fact that I hate our modern society with all it’s technology but lack of knowledge. I know nothing about this world,  or the powers that all me to exist. The more I learn and try to reveal the mysteries of the universe and reality the harder things are to understand. And I still can’t see color anymore. I used to be able to close my eyes and visualize any color I wanted, I could make shapes and then turn those shapes int o other things and begin to manifest my own reality.

There is evidence in the realm of quantum physics that we do in fact create our own reality and that reality itself can not exist wor manifest with out an external observational force. This all makes me think. I don’t know if you have ever seen flatland but that movie changed the way I think I can look at this world and judge it and make conclusions about the way it is and what it is, but I am limited to my dimensional analysis. I can not climb to a higher dimension or drop to a lower one, and in these lower and higher dimensions like, reality, everything is in fact completely different.


So how do I make a model of reality if there are so many realities and the are all different and all existing at the same time? How do I make my life matter? Is there anything at all I can do to really give my life meaning? Can I transcend life, my cconsciousnessOr will I die. What will happen when I die. Will I be gone forever, or does my mind just get freed from my body? I’m not sure but I sure am curious. I want to have access to all the information in the world. I want to know everything, to understand everything. That would give my life meaning.  But ould it? What would happen when I knew everything? Is that even possible? What is wrong with humanity. Why are we so stupid. Were we created by some God or something? How did life emerge? What really is this mechanism that I exist in?


Who cares right. Let’s play angry bird, lets make money, lets all live happily blinded in a consumerist capitalistic dictatorship. My timer is not going off but I’m pretending that it is…………..

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